Alright!!! the bloody thing starts now!
So for the kids keeping track at home...
The power wire on the front of the starter was not getting any juice, there is a relay on top of the starting motor that sends power to the start motor. There's a a wire on the back of this relay (you have to take off the pipes into the turbo to reach it) that had a) become corroded and b) fallen off
clean and reconnect and !TaDa!
Thanks again to everyone that helped me with this!!
And to those of you wishing to be stuck in Boulder... come on out and visit at least