That is priceless! I copied and pasted the listing as that ad may not last on Ebay:
GENUINE LAND ROVER RUST HOLE
DOES YOUR LAND ROVER HAVE RUST HOLES BIG ENOUGH
TO PUT YOUR FIST THROUGH?
WELL THEN YOU'R IN LUCK.
HERE FOR SALE WE HAVE ONE GENUINE LAND ROVER RUST HOLE.
IF YOU WANT TO GIVE YOUR BEAUTIFULLY RESTORED SERIES ONE THAT
AIR OF ORIGINALITY, OR IF YOU SIMPLY WANT TO GIVE YOUR NEW TD5 THAT GOOD OLD FASHIONED LAND ROVERY CHARACTER THAT USUALLY TAKES AT LEAST 20 YEARS, WITHOUT ENDURING THE LONG WAIT THEN LOOK NO FURTHER.
THIS RUST HOLE IS 21 YEARS OLD , THE TIN WORM THAT CREATED IT WAS OF THE FINEST TIN WORM KNOWN TO MAN, THE LIKES OF WHICH CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN THE NORTH SEA AND NOWHERE ELSE ON EARTH.
IT IS BIG ENOUGH TO PUT AN ADULT FIST THROUGH AND WHEN INSTALLED IN YOUR PRIDE AND JOY, IT WILL PUT A HUGE ROLLER COASTER GRIN ON YOUR FACE SUCH AS THAT OF A MAD MAN FACING DEATH ITSELF.
THE VERY THOUGHT OF HAVING YOUR CHASSIS/BULKHEAD OUT RIGGER HELD TOGETHER WITH ONLY FRESH AIR WHILST HURTLING YOUR SELF DOWN THE M1 AT FRIGHTENING SPEED WOULD BE ENOUGH TO PUT A GRIN ON ANY MAN'S FACE.
UPON PURCHASE YOU WILL RECIEVE AN ENVELOPE WITH A LARGE HOLE IN IT, A METHOD OF INSTALLATION OF SAID HOLE IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOU
HOWEVER I DO RECOMMEND YOU GET A PROFESSIONAL TO DO IT IF YOU ARE NOT ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CONFIDENT THAT YOU CAN DO IT BY YOUR SELF.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS YOU FEEL MAY , OR MAY NOT BE RELEVANT AND I WILL TRY TO ANSWER THEM AS ACCURATELY AS I CAN.
Questions from other members : GENUINE LAND ROVER RUST HOLE
Q: Just wondering, if I bought this hole could I use it tocover up an existing hole or would it be advisable to remove the existing hole first as i've heard that no two holes are the same? 25-May-08
A: yes you could but be carefull , a hole on top of a hole may just cause a small atomic reaction, this reaction could expand at an atomic level creating a larger reaction. this could well end up turning your innocent rusty hole into a huge vacumous black hole and that would be the end of everything. and that would be a bit of a pain to have to live with.
Q: just wondering if the rust hole might be suitable for my 20 year old G wagon as the chassis is otherwise rust free. 25-May-08
A: no , but you may need to get your own hole checked out as g wagons are a particularly gay 4x4. not as gay a mx5's or that stupid gay porsche but still gay none the less.
Q: Does it come with any warranty..and if so is it for parts and labour. 25-May-08
A: no warranty im afraid , but what can go wrong with a hole? unless you misstreat it , and a misstreated hole can give you any amount of troublesom problems. its easy to spot one though , a miss treated hole will usually take on the appearance of a peeled blood orange.
Q: can you just tell me if it comes in any other colours. 25-May-08
A: no sorry , brown is the only colour my hole comes in. brown with a clear centre.
Q: Hi mate, thats a great looking hole. Can you really put your whole fist into it? Do you need any lube? I'm only asking as my girlfriend also has a rusty hole and with plenty of lube I can only manage 2 fingers at most. 25-May-08
A: dude , i can get my fist and fore arm into my hole. no lube required. but then again im a big lad anyways , think of a babies arm with an apple in its hand. two fingers aint bad though , but ,next time ask her to cough and really put your arm into it.
Q: Hello If I win would it be possibl to collect and save on the postage? 25-May-08
A: sorry , this is a postal auction only however i could deliver it for a gold fish for every mile.
Q: Hi, is this the only one you have ? I would like a matching pair & am worried it wont pair up with the one I already have. Do you do combined packaging for a reduced fee ? 25-May-08
A: why do you want two holes? do you eat a lot of spicy foods? you could just try and widen the hole you have already?
Q: have you got a buy it now price for the hole and is it easy to fit? 25-May-08
A: hi, i would like 3 goats and a herring for my hole , its easy to fit if you place bright flashing lights in front of it , it fits all day long if you let it.
Q: Hi , I'm worried about this item.I was scammed last year by a similar seller.I bought the hole believing it was a certain size but when I unpacked it and placed it on my Discovery it swallowed it up.All I was left with was a bloody side indicator and a bit of plastic.Can I be assured that this one will not do the same and if so I suggest you sell it to a BMW X5 owner.Ta. 25-May-08
A: you would be amazed at the amount of x5 drivers who have asked me to do a hole for them. although mx5 drivers are usually pre occupied with putting their heads up their own holes than to worry about holes in their mum wagons.
Q: I was contemplating fitting one of these holes to my discovery3, was just wondering If it is kitemarked by the BSI and If it conforms to EU road safety legislation, I have been told that fitting these aftermarket rust holes can invalidate ones Insurance If it is not of the correct rating. Can you confirm it it meets current EU rust regulations before I commit please. P.S Do you have a Buy it now price, I have a 3rd cousin twice removed on my ex wifes side living in Nigeria whos birthday it is soon, If you would be happy to ship there (at my cost) I would happily pay you an extra $1000 usd on receipt of the hole. Thanks, Paul Smenis. 25-May-08
A: hi, this rust hole meets all the safety standards required for a vehicle registered in la la land , anywhere else and it may cause slight problems with such things as mot's , vosa vehicle checks etc although i wouldnt worry too much , the land rover in the pics above had 8 months mot on it when the photo was taken. i will happly ship to nigeria and for an extra 3 million pounds i will deliver it personally , as for a buy it now? you didnt win the lottery this week end did you?
Q: I'm really tempted but the postage seems a little high. Can I collect? Also, do you know the Land Rover part number? I have looked in the parts manual but can only find OIL LEAK ANR3421 under misellaneous items, no mention of rust holes. 25-May-08
A: hi, sorry but there are no collections with this auction. the part number for this item wont be found in any books im afraid , its locked in a high security vault 3 miles beneath the ground under the land rover factory. apparently if you say it 3 times in a row the earth explodes, hence the need for all the security.
Q: Hi do have you a pair of holes by any chance? I am restoring a 2000 BC 0.5 Series Land Rover Soft top. Acording to the V5 it belonged to a Mr B Rubble. I need two for the floor so that my legs can go through (a matching pair would be nice), I did have one with the spares but put it down and can't find it now. Many Thanks. 25-May-08
A: hi , im afraid i only have the one hole , however , you could always park your land rover in the north sea for several years in order to let nature (and tin worms) do its job. just like the previous owner of my land rover did before he sold it to me. this way you can have as many holes as you want.
Q: Just what I'm looking for - will go nicely with that bottle of Lucas Loom Smoke. Can you confirm this hole is compatible with the ones already installed in my rear crossmember? 23-May-08
A: hi, it is possible however older have in the past been known to reject new holes by way of becoming grumpy and sometimes depressed, even in sever circumstances totally withdrawn. i would slowley introduce the holes to eachother , giving them enough space to notice eachother from afar and become accustomed to eachothers presence. unfortunatly though my hole is none returnable , its a one way passage only. if you do buy my hole and it turnes pair shaped i am afraid you will just have to live with it , although a pair shaped hole isnt so bad now is it?
Q: Hi Ive got a series II with many holes in it already, but feel this one could be perfect to complete my set. Could you tell me whether you are using the metric or imperial fist measurement. Also a dear friend of mine, Liza wonders whether you would consider part exchange. As I have a bucket with a hole in it. Kind regards Henry. 23-May-08
A: hi ,due to my age i would say my fist is imperial so i am assuming my hole is also. i would consider part exchange but would liza mind you swapping her for a rusty hole? i would need to see her first though and give her a good prod with a screw driver. anyways , good luck with the bucket Henry.
Q: I am really interested in this item - can you tell me what colour this hole is as I would rather not have to spend time having it retouched to suit my Range Rover. Thanks in advance, Andy-T. 23-May-08
A: hi , the hole only comes in one colour im afraid , clear. however , if it was me i would touch my own hole rather than have someone touch it for me , and at the end of the day , lets be honest here guys , who hasnt touched their own holes at one point in the past..
Q: Hiya, Is this a universal hole or is it design for a specific model?? Also can it be colour coded? Regards 21-May-08
A: Hiya , this universe in indeed a hole. It isnt really designed for any spacific model but at a guess id say its pretty much heading towords Nigar Talibova , yes she's blonde but who isnt these days. can the universe be colour coded? it already is isnt it?
Q: Hi would you swap this for a large Hill ive also got some vacumes out of some old flasks i used to have if they are any good,thanks. 21-May-08
A: OOOOH a large hill? A benny hill? mmm tempting , i always fancy a large benny. nothing quite like a large benny to make the long hot evenings drift by. the vacumes are quite tempting also , lately iv had to resort to using the dyson but i never guessed i could use a thermos. i might have to sleep on this one. a true conundrum indeed.
Q: Hi i dont understand but thanks for the laugh. David 21-May-08
A: thats ok David , but if you ever feel like your landy is missing a few rust holes let me know.
Q: WHILST HURTLING YOUR SELF DOWN THE M1 AT FRIGHTENING SPEED ya got to be joking no landrover goes at WHILST FRIGHTENING SPEED maybe the new ones !!!! 21-May-08
A: AH HA! but you see with these beautifull genuine land rover rust holes you can make your beloved landy that much lighter by removing all the sound metal and exchanging it for thin air, like they do with rally cars. less weight , faster car. im not boasting these rust holes to be any kind of performance upgrade but it does make sense , doesnt it? more sense than go faster stripes anyways.
Q: Forgot, the buy it now price seems cheap. But dont be caught out by another looney like us tha uses it. It will cost YA Thanks for cheering me up 21-May-08
A: thank you very much for your nod. the buy it now price was indeed cheap to say the least so it has now been removed. and no buy it now price put in its place. unless you are tonights lottery winner and you need a genuine land rover rust hole.
"The most unreliable car in the world is the most reliable car in the world." -Jeremy Clarkson refering to the Range Rover