Corn Husker Hand lotion and Plasma. Apply liberally and with even pressure from the left bun of a virgin stripper grinding to the beat of Deep Purple, "Smoke on the Water"
Best results obtained with warm water rinses between a few sessions and in the handicap zone of your local Wally World.
legend in my own mind
Advice is only as good as the person applying it--
Don't make me give you bad advice!
Lemons or lemonaide, whatever your taste provides.