HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU OWN A LANDROVER ?
By Annette Flottwell, Takeo De Meter and many others...
* When you occasionally find rust flakes in your ears.
* If you keep these strange Imperial-thread bolts in your pocket in case the dashboard falls off.
* If WD40 has a higher priority on the household budget than milk.
* When your husband starts referring to you as "my ex-", although you are still married.
* If your bathtub bears a sign: "Not suitable for engine blocks".
* When you dream of burned Lucas electrics when your wife smokes a cigarette in bed
* If even Essex girls turn you down after they`ve seen your car.
* If 10 lbs of of prime top soil fall on the tarmac when you smack your door shut
* If you store K&N air filter cleaning liquid under the kitchen sink because you need it so often
* When you drive in shorts in the flemish winter to avoid wet jeans.
* If nobody parks next to you on a Saturday supermarket parking lot
* If only the African immigrants greet you in town
* If your kitchen table shows marks of engine blocks.
* When you can't find any clothes without battery acid holes or engine oil stains
* If you wonder why it smells so funny if you throw a cig butt on the floor of a rental car
* If you start every conversation in the vehicle with "one, two, test" to check the intercom
* When even Russians don't believe your truck is only 20 years old
* When there are more tools in the truck than in your house
* If you think it's essential to carry 20 litres of water at all times, even in Belgium
* If the only two shops you know in town are the parts dealer and the tool shop
* When you decide on weekend plans in bed and the alternatives are grease-up or fix the radiator
* If you buy rear mirrors in bulk at the farmer's union shop
* When the GPS in your vehicle has the main purpose to replace the speedo and odometer
* When you are surprised that the M.O.T. mentions the condition of your seats in the report
* If you wonder why the moss in your truck's inner window sills is greener than your lawn
* When you are used to switch off headlights before indicating right because they interfere
* If all your jacket pockets and belt loops are torn by LR door locks
* When you find a gas evaporator between salt and pepper in the kitchen
* When a Russian women observes 'these are not women's hands' and someone adds 'just don't ask her what she has been repairing this time...'
* When your friends steal imperial sockets for you as a wedding present
* When your handbag contains pliers, multimeter, Swisstool, insulation tape, 30 amps fuses, compass, imperial bolts and a torch
* If you only dare to use the coin operated car wash on a dark Sunday night
* If friends don't want you to show up in the afternoon because they got visitors but then they call you at 8 AM on a Sunday morning when they're stuck in the forest.
* when other girls give you a 1 1/8" socket as a present -and they know you love it!
All the above is nothing but our own experience - Annette & Takeo
* You can't decide whether to park on a hill in case your starter fails or on the flat in case your handbrake fails.
* You put your coat on as you get INTO your car.
* You keep degreaser in the shower.
* When you borrow your Mums 1litre Vauxhall Corsa it feels like a sports car.
* You get lent to elderly relatives and their friends to get the compost from the garden centre. Two tonnes at a time.
* Your friends all want to ride in your car if you're going less than three miles. If you're travelling more than three miles, they volunteer to walk.
* Your mates laugh at your car until theirs needs pulling out of a ditch.
"If, whilst driving, you frequently turn down the volume of the stereo .... to check for new noises" J. Galea
-You stop at a petrol station to top up oil and to check the petrol level
-Your washing machine never gets unemployed
-Your favourite books are the parts catalogue and the repair operation manual (Matthias Brinkmann)
- the wife says its me or that thing she takes one look at you and packs - MARKRANDM@aol.com
* I can trust my husband: if he stays out all night long it's because he's stuck in the forest and not because of another women
* When you don't worry when your hubby says he takes out the Landy for half an hour and he doesn't come back all night long
* When you are buying dark nail varnish only to hide away black marks under the finger nails
* When you ask for "Epsom Green" when buying nail varnish
* When your living room looks like a scrap-yard
* When you find landy-bits all over your place (and I mean: ALL over the place!)
* When your dishwasher dies because of engine oil sediments
* When your house-owner asks you to stop putting Rangie-bits all over the cellar (but you don't know where to put them in the flat - see above)
* Reps in nice shiny motorway cars laugh derisively except when it snows
* your drive has an enviromental health warning
* police officers shake your hand when they issue you a speeding ticket
* people in VW camper vans follow you so they can watch someone else break down
* everyone in the landy dealer knows you by name
* you have bulk discounts at the landy dealer parts counter
* When the men at Bearmach know you better than your wife.
* When your wife say's the men at Bearmach see you more.
* Other motorists laugh at your attempt at a 3 point turn in your Series 3 Land Rover.
John Edward Grindle