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  #21  
Old February 23rd, 2013, 09:05 AM
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  #22  
Old February 23rd, 2013, 09:43 AM
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For our military brethren:

God looks down on a remote swamp somewhere in Southeast Asia and sees four Zodiacs full of Rangers moving towards their objective, chanting "Rangers Lead The Way!".

"Man, those Rangers are so high speed!" he thought to himself. Then God wondered what would happen if he took portions of their brain. So he took a quarter lobe from each.

They continued to chant "Rangers Lead The Way!"

So God took an entire half. Yet the Rangers continued to chant "Rangers Lead The Way!"

So God decided to take the the entire brain from each Ranger. Without missing a beat, they all started singing "From the Halls of Montezuma......"
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  #23  
Old February 23rd, 2013, 09:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SMac View Post
For our military brethren:

God looks down on a remote swamp somewhere in Southeast Asia and sees four Zodiacs full of Rangers moving towards their objective, chanting "Rangers Lead The Way!".

"Man, those Rangers are so high speed!" he thought to himself. Then God wondered what would happen if he took portions of their brain. So he took a quarter lobe from each.

They continued to chant "Rangers Lead The Way!"

So God took an entire half. Yet the Rangers continued to chant "Rangers Lead The Way!"

So God decided to take the the entire brain from each Ranger. Without missing a beat, they all started singing "From the Halls of Montezuma......"
Marine response in 3... 2... 1...

Good joke BTW.
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  #24  
Old February 23rd, 2013, 10:38 AM
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Originally Posted by ontheway View Post

Marine response in 3... 2... 1...

Good joke BTW.
Ranger school isn't hard. Every time I send my Marines to it they are the honor grad. Go figure.

I'd love to make some Army jokes, but they don't need any help.
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  #25  
Old February 23rd, 2013, 11:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf Fabrication

Ranger school isn't hard. Every time I send my Marines to it they are the honor grad. Go figure.

I'd love to make some Army jokes, but they don't need any help.
I hope your retort was as self depreciating as my joke was... .
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  #26  
Old February 23rd, 2013, 11:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SMac View Post

I hope your retort was as self depreciating as my joke was... .
I loved the joke on several levels-never bad to make fun of Marines.

Also gotta bask in the absurdity of basing in on a group of Rangers (amusing in itself), in boats (which way is the front of this thing) on a mission (did they get a note from their SOF parents to be on the mission) in Southeast Asia...which is probably the right AOR since without adult supervision you know they're not in a real warzone...
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  #27  
Old February 23rd, 2013, 11:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ray_G

I loved the joke on several levels-never bad to make fun of Marines.

Also gotta bask in the absurdity of basing in on a group of Rangers (amusing in itself), in boats (which way is the front of this thing) on a mission (did they get a note from their SOF parents to be on the mission) in Southeast Asia...which is probably the right AOR since without adult supervision you know they're not in a real warzone...
ha ha! great play by play, well dissected, Sir!
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  #28  
Old March 21st, 2013, 09:41 AM
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Very nice wake up calls.
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  #29  
Old March 21st, 2013, 09:55 AM
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I don't know any jokes that won't offend someone.
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  #30  
Old March 25th, 2013, 02:41 AM
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Sick, sad and twisted but the delivery was funny
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynchee View Post
Seriously???? My grandfather died in a concentration camp!!!!!!
























He fell out of a guard tower.....
------ Follow up post added March 25th, 2013 02:44 AM ------

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Eat Mop!

Eat Mop Who?

I am not going to eat yoru pooh you sick f*ck.

------ Follow up post added March 25th, 2013 02:50 AM ------

guy walks into a pretty much deserted bar. Goes to the end and sits. Yells down to the bartender to get a drink. Bartender abliges.

After a few minutes and with no one around he hears a small voice that says "Hey your a pretty studly guy I bet your a real lady killer"

Shocked...he looks around and nobody is there. So he goes back to his drink.

Few more minutes go by and he hears the same voices "He buddy what are you doing in the place you should be out chasing the chicks!" At this point he yells down to the barternder "BARTENDER DID YOU SAY SOMETHIN TO ME.." Bartender "wasn't me buddy"!

Guy goes back to drinking but is a little shaken. Few more minutes go buy and the same voice "Hey buddy you really are a hansome fellow and should be out meeting the chicks as you seem to have it going on". At this point the guy is in a frantic and shouts to the bartender "BARTENDER..."
Bartender cuts him off...."Look guy, its the peanuts, they are complimentary".
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  #31  
Old March 25th, 2013, 02:57 AM
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Blind guy wants to work at a lumber yard so he goes and talks to the interviewer who happens to be the forman.
Forman "Sorry buddy we can't hire a blind guy for a lumber yard"
Blind guy "bring me any piece of wood and just by smelling it I will tell you the wood and the size"
Forman not wanting any trouble with the ADA says "o.k. will run some test"

Forman out of earshot of the blind hiree says to the warehouse guy bring me a piece of wood.

Foreman holds it up to the blind guy Blind guy" that would be a 4X2X6 knotty pine" Well shit if he didn't get it right.
Foreman grabs another board from the warehouse guy - Blind guy "that would be maple, 2 foot plank"
Well this go on for some time and the foreman is worried that he may have to give serious consideration to this potential hire.
So in another room he has his secretary lay on the desk and tells her not to make a sound or move.
Foreman get the blind guy and tells him this is the final test. Foreman escrorts the blind guy over to the awaiting secretary on the desk. The blind guy leans down and takes a wiff. "hmmm" he said. Takes one more wiff and then steps back. "I got it, shit house door on a tuna boat "5' 2"
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