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  #1  
Old April 17th, 2009, 11:34 AM
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Wolf Fabrication
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Happy Friday - Craigslist Posting

Some of you may have seen this being emailed around. I got a kick out it, and hopefully it'll make you smile on this Friday. Please don't give me the "Departing90 beatdown" for posting retarded stuff. Hey, this mentions ninjas, whiskey, and machine guns, so it can't be that bad!



NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County )

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for
purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was
possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow,
this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that
adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It
wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No,
that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're
looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I
mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the
highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats
death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy
boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost),
heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt),
or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super
action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's
got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid
kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of
whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite
down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an
automatic transmission so if you're being chased by terrorists, you'll
still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at
the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to
the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch
to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also
just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by
The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll
entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up
and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a
Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered
eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the
prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet
Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will
carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged,
no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double,
then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just
chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do,
we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen
to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer
pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular
pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.
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"The most unreliable car in the world is the most reliable car in the world." -Jeremy Clarkson refering to the Range Rover


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  #2  
Old April 17th, 2009, 02:21 PM
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Craig Dickson
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Planet Kickass. I need to use that with the ladies.... I think it would go something like this:

Her: Where are you from?
Me: Planet Kickass
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  #3  
Old April 17th, 2009, 03:42 PM
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Julien Dalbin
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Posts: 1,888
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeep Rescue
a stitch-your-own-wound kit
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" Eventually everything connects - people, ideas, objects. The quality of the connections is the key to quality per se. "
- Charles Eames
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  #4  
Old April 17th, 2009, 09:50 PM
D-Dave
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David Jensen
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That is the funniest thing I have ever read! That guys inner dialogue on a daily basis must be incredible...
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