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  #1  
Old December 23rd, 2014, 09:59 AM
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shayne young
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Funny Christmas sermon..

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12..

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10....

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,"Take this and eat it for this is my body.." He did not say,"Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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  #2  
Old December 23rd, 2014, 10:01 AM
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Oh man I'm still on the floor!
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  #3  
Old December 23rd, 2014, 11:36 AM
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Luis Constantin
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You realize you're going to Hell ?

And those of us that thought it was hilarious and are LOAO are right behind you.

Now every time I go to church, I will be hearing this in my head.
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  #4  
Old December 23rd, 2014, 12:09 PM
the rover shop
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shayne young
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuisC View Post
You realize you're going to Hell ?

And those of us that thought it was hilarious and are LOAO are right behind you.

Now every time I go to church, I will be hearing this in my head.
I resigned myself to that fact a long time ago... It's been a downhill slide since then.... but one helluva lotta fun..
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Old December 23rd, 2014, 01:02 PM
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So f@#king funny .. I have tears in my eyes and the SUITS across the table are trying to figure out what is wrong with me LMAO

BTW, I have the Presidential Suite in Hell reserved .. so the party will be there
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Old December 24th, 2014, 08:17 AM
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Brilliant Shayne!

Merry Christmas.
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Old December 24th, 2014, 12:33 PM
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Abraham Bell
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Well I guess I will be in good company when my time comes. See y'all there!!
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  #8  
Old December 24th, 2014, 02:49 PM
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shayne young
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That's why land rovers are so unreliable and too hot on the floorboards...it's to prep you for HELL...
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