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  #1  
Old October 21st, 2008, 02:29 PM
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Dating advice, what should I do with this chick?

Hey guys, Neil again, and yeah I know what your thinking but I really need some advice on this girl I've been dating for the last two weeks and the way I see it, who can I trust for honest dating advice than from the D90 source? , ok on to the story. This chick I met while walking out of old town pasadena has what I like, a nice hot body, only bad part is shes 36 years old, but no kids or ever married. I'm 34. Anyway we date for a week, literally going out like almost every night and every night wore sexy clothing to tease me when we go out. She had so much fun with me that she passed out 3 times from getting drunk during that week of dating. This was actually the week before last week. The first night she passed out, she drank almost a whole bottle of wine herself (tiny girl at 108 lbs) and when I walked her back to her apt she said "please don't take advantage of me" and of course I did not, just got her inside and left. The other two times when she passed out I just automatically assumed she dosen't like to have sex or be touched when intoxicated so again I just took her home and left her alone when I knew she was safe. So by Saturday this was becomming a pattern of us going out, having dinner, dancing then her passing out on the way back. I just assumed she could tolerate me but didn't like me enough to give up the good stuff and would only let me make out with her and briefly touch her butt and thighs and what not just to keep me satisfied. When I tried to touch her when the night was done she let me fondle her for like 4-5 seconds and then say she says its too soon and that its not right etc. So by Sunday I said F it, and didn't call her for a week, until that Friday when I went clubbin with some friends she saw me talking to this good looking blond eurasian girl, she walked by, almost said something but refrained and walked away. I got the girls number and later on I saw her at some table talking with some guy, I was like "whatever shes a tease" and tried to forget about it. The next day while at Home Depot, I get a surprising call from her and she asks "What did I do to you? Why didn't I call her etc etc" I tell her how I felt and she says I should of asked her before making assumptions and that she called because she had to know why I was so mean to her. So in short, we meet up that Saturday night and sorta rekindle where I left off and now things started to get better, more tongue action in the kissing, letting me touch and cover more area that was previously only available for a limited time until my hand was pushed away. This goes on until last night where we go to this exclusive club in Hollywood called Le Deux, last night was pretty much like any of the other nights where I try to go a little further and where she says "thats enough now". So I go ok and I kiss her goodnight and leave. So a little frustrated, I get home and plop on the couch, thats when the phone rings and I hear her crying and she tells me why she acts the way she does. She claims that when we went out, she had a lot of fun and liked me a lot, but when I stopped calling her that week, she said she became depressed and when she saw me that Friday talking to another girl she got pissed and got drunk that night. On her way home, she got pulled over in her lexus and was arrested not too far from the club for drunk driving. Apparently her third DUI since 06'. She said she is being threatened with 160 days in jail because of her DUI's in the past and now has to pay an attorney about 11k to help her plead to reckless driving so she won't go to jail. She said that she was scared to tell me this this weekend for fear I wouldn't want anything to do with her and didn't tell me until last night and that she would of allowed me to be more intimate with her but can't because shes so stressed and scared about going to jail that she even cries at her work. So I try to console her even though she was still crying and sobbing (wouldn't let or allow me to come over) So on to my question for you guys is, what should I do with this chick? Shes really cool in that shes funny and likes to party, I like her a lot and find her very attractive, even though she gives me no sex...... Felt like she was testing me and that I had to earn it. So after that bomb last night, I felt a little giulty, but I know its not my fault, should I proceed with caution? Or should I leave a vapor trail?

Heres some cell phone pics I took of her when passed out in my lr3, yeah I know I'm a dirty dog but what did you expect?
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  #2  
Old October 21st, 2008, 02:46 PM
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You could let her down EZ by telling her that you have a personal rule of not dating women that weigh less than your left bicep.

Seriously though - 3 DUI's? Nothing you can do for her on that account, plus anyway Multiple DUI's = Drinking Problem. Drinking Problem = makes your life hell until you give up and leave.

As they say: run, don't walk.

Maybe I'll put together a dating advice group buy.

Follow-up Post:

Oh, and now we have pix. You're a great board member.
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  #3  
Old October 21st, 2008, 02:49 PM
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Neil, run the opposite way, and don't look back. Dating a girl with a drinking problem is the worst kind of girl to date...IMO

good luck
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Old October 21st, 2008, 03:05 PM
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To me it would be a judgement thing. If she can't figure out after one DUI that she should never do it again, what's next? Lacks common sense. You'll be bailing her out all over the place if you go any further.
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Old October 21st, 2008, 03:19 PM
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Old October 21st, 2008, 03:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JSBriggs
Oh, and you went clubbin'....on a Tuesday....@ 34 yrs old?
-Jeff
Yeah, Neil is our local 24-hour Party Person. We read his stories about drunk chicks with no panties and he reads our posts about dirty diapers and wives that steal our defenders. Its a symbiotic relationship if you will.
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  #7  
Old October 21st, 2008, 03:30 PM
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neil - whats the fun of giving up without getting what you want. =)
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Old October 21st, 2008, 03:37 PM
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Neil,

First if she is hot and 36 with no marriages and no kids then there is an obvious screw loose in the brain department. 3 DUI's is a pretty good indication that she has a real problem with alcohol. Not giving you sex could be chalked up to prudence but a lush is seldom prudent. I would suggest that she has had some sexual abuse in her history. It fits the pattern I have seen in the past.

The point here is you cannot "fix" her and you did not create her problem. You did not "make" her get in her car and drive drunk. She chose to do this. If she is getting this wierd after a few nice dates then the future is very scary.

What are your goals in this situation? If you just want to get a piece of ass then move on. If you are looking to be her friend then why do you need to fuck her? If you want to settle down then it seems you are looking in all the worng places for that.

You are a smart guy, you know that you should get as far away as possible, the warning lights are flashing dude. I think that you are more worried about the guilt. She made choices, you made choices, it is a non fault environment. Run away and don't look back.
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  #9  
Old October 21st, 2008, 03:40 PM
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The girl has too much baggage.
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  #10  
Old October 21st, 2008, 03:54 PM
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We have a saying about girls like this. They have "The Twinkle". You know, that little look you see in her eye from time to time that clues you in that she is a little off and is destined to become a stage 5 clinger. Several friends and myself have all hooked up/dated girls like that. Trust me, its nothing but a headache later on, no matter how good looking, good in the sack or rich!
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Old October 21st, 2008, 04:02 PM
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sounds like a total train wreck...get out while it's still relatively easy and before you get into the real baggage. Or stick with it - may lead to some good stories.
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Old October 21st, 2008, 04:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by landrovered
Neil,

First if she is hot and 36 with no marriages and no kids then there is an obvious screw loose in the brain department. 3 DUI's is a pretty good indication that she has a real problem with alcohol. Not giving you sex could be chalked up to prudence but a lush is seldom prudent. I would suggest that she has had some sexual abuse in her history. It fits the pattern I have seen in the past.

The point here is you cannot "fix" her and you did not create her problem. You did not "make" her get in her car and drive drunk. She chose to do this. If she is getting this wierd after a few nice dates then the future is very scary.

What are your goals in this situation? If you just want to get a piece of ass then move on. If you are looking to be her friend then why do you need to fuck her? If you want to settle down then it seems you are looking in all the worng places for that.

You are a smart guy, you know that you should get as far away as possible, the warning lights are flashing dude. I think that you are more worried about the guilt. She made choices, you made choices, it is a non fault environment. Run away and don't look back.
Sadly yes I do feel giulty and bad for her, and your right, its not my fault, I'm just afraid she will kill herself or do something dispicable if I dump her judging by the way she cried last night, she sounded like she hit rock bottom. Man I don't know what to do at this point but I'm just scared she will hurt herself. She lives alone, both her parents died a few years back and is pretty much alone. Man why did I meet this chick. Worst part is, I'm suppost to be in Vegas next month to bang this hot Canadian girl I met in Vegas and if I'm hanging around this chick I don't know how im gonna pull it off. To make matters worse, I met this hot photographer/bartender in Vancouver a month ago who's comming down to LA to see me with her girlfriend who is a Guess model because they don't know anyone here and want to party with me. Well we'll see I guess, I'll keep you guys updated on what happens. By the way, I don't know what I want anymore, sex yes, relationship yes, being single and meeting as many girls as I can yes, I confuse myself sometimes. Anyway, thanks for the advice, I know what I have to do.



PS: OH and almost forgot, yes i just remembered there was a story of abuse, her ex boyfriend gave her a black eye when she was 22. And her ex of 6 years pulled a knife on her once and she closed her eyes and thought she was for sure dead. Thats about all she told me.
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  #13  
Old October 21st, 2008, 04:08 PM
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If I were in LA I would move on; you guys just have too may choices there. If she was here in Taos, NM I would have to re-evaluate...............the longer I am here the better she looks.
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  #14  
Old October 21st, 2008, 04:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neil McCauley
Sadly yes I do feel giulty and bad for her, and your right, its not my fault, I'm just afraid she will kill herself or do something dispicable if I dump her judging by the way she cried last night, she sounded like she hit rock bottom. Man I don't know what to do at this point but I'm just scared she will hurt herself.
The longer you stay, the worse it will get. Cut your losses now and run. Don't let her play you, because she's doing a good job at it.
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  #15  
Old October 21st, 2008, 04:19 PM
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Neil,

You can care without enabling her alcoholic behavior. You might call her up and tell her straight that you will not be dating her any more. You can tell her that you are worried about her and that you think she might need some help because with her problem with alcohol.

If she cannot admit that 3 DUIs is a problem then you are done right then and there. No guilt no nothing, never speak to her again.

If she says, "Yes, my life sucks" then there are many ways to get help. AA costs a buck a meeting, there are meetings at all hours in every city, it works and it can save her life. Their number is in the phone book.

If she is seeking help, then it would be perfectly right for you to call from Vegas and check on her. She should not have an intimate realtionship with you for a year if she is in treatment but you would have her as a friend.

Your job has changed because you care, that is a good thing. Have a serious talk with her and then go hook up with the other hotties you have lined up and be sure and get pictures!

PS: Her lawyer will approve of the AA thing, it will help her case and maybe she will get some good out of it.
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  #16  
Old October 21st, 2008, 04:22 PM
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This is a trainwreck, but who does not like to watch trainwrecks?

Those are all the responsible voices, I say keep hanging out with her, just don't get too attached. Drunks are by far the most fun to hang out with in my experience.

Here is my take:

"shes 36 years old, but no kids or ever married."

Perfect, does not want commitment/kids/etc.

"Anyway we date for a week, literally going out like almost every night and every night wore sexy clothing to tease me when we go out."

Entertainment and beauty.

"She had so much fun with me that she passed out 3 times from getting drunk during that week of dating."

Who likes to party.

"The first night she passed out, she drank almost a whole bottle of wine herself (tiny girl at 108 lbs)"

She is a lightweight. She needs to learn to hang better.

"she said "please don't take advantage of me.'"

Translation, "please take advantage of me, but in a nice way."

"The other two times when she passed out I just automatically assumed she dosen't like to have sex or be touched when intoxicated so again I just took her home and left her alone when I knew she was safe."

You assumed wrong.

"So by Saturday this was becomming a pattern of us going out, having dinner, dancing then her passing out on the way back."

She thinks you are gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). I mean who else works out as much as you do .

"I just assumed she could tolerate me but didn't like me enough to give up the good stuff and would only let me make out with her and briefly touch her butt and thighs and what not just to keep me satisfied."

If this keeps you satisfied you are for sure gay.

"When I tried to touch her when the night was done she let me fondle her for like 4-5 seconds and then say she says its too soon and that its not right etc."

You squeezed too hard.

"So by Sunday I said F it, and didn't call her for a week, until that Friday when I went clubbin with some friends she saw me talking to this good looking blond eurasian girl, she walked by, almost said something but refrained and walked away. I got the girls number and later on I saw her at some table talking with some guy, I was like "whatever shes a tease" and tried to forget about it. The next day while at Home Depot, I get a surprising call from her and she asks "What did I do to you? Why didn't I call her etc etc" I tell her how I felt and she says I should of asked her before making assumptions and that she called because she had to know why I was so mean to her. So in short, we meet up that Saturday night and sorta rekindle where I left off and now things started to get better, more tongue action in the kissing, letting me touch and cover more area that was previously only available for a limited time until my hand was pushed away."

When she thought she could keep you on the hook, you got nothing, now she realizes it is time to put out, but thinks it would be useless because you are gay.

"This goes on until last night where we go to this exclusive club in Hollywood called Le Deux, last night was pretty much like any of the other nights where I try to go a little further and where she says "thats enough now". So I go ok and I kiss her goodnight and leave. So a little frustrated, I get home and plop on the couch, thats when the phone rings and I hear her crying and she tells me why she acts the way she does. She claims that when we went out, she had a lot of fun and liked me a lot, but when I stopped calling her that week, she said she became depressed and when she saw me that Friday talking to another girl she got pissed and got drunk that night. On her way home, she got pulled over in her lexus and was arrested not too far from the club for drunk driving. Apparently her third DUI since 06'. She said she is being threatened with 160 days in jail because of her DUI's in the past and now has to pay an attorney about 11k to help her plead to reckless driving so she won't go to jail. She said that she was scared to tell me this this weekend for fear I wouldn't want anything to do with her and didn't tell me until last night and that she would of allowed me to be more intimate with her but can't because shes so stressed and scared about going to jail that she even cries at her work. So I try to console her even though she was still crying and sobbing (wouldn't let or allow me to come over) So on to my question for you guys is, what should I do with this chick? Shes really cool in that shes funny and likes to party, I like her a lot and find her very attractive, even though she gives me no sex...... Felt like she was testing me and that I had to earn it. So after that bomb last night, I felt a little giulty, but I know its not my fault, should I proceed with caution? Or should I leave a vapor trail?"

Sorry, too long to read. Back to the point at hand (see below).

Heres some cell phone pics I took of her when passed out in my lr3, yeah I know I'm a dirty dog but what did you expect?

Nice.


Ron
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  #17  
Old October 21st, 2008, 04:26 PM
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Forget all that shit I wrote, I like Evils take better!

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  #18  
Old October 21st, 2008, 04:37 PM
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lmao, ok I couldn't help but that just busted my gut.........Ron, can I have your number?
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  #19  
Old October 21st, 2008, 04:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by landrovered
Forget all that shit I wrote, I like Evils take better!

x2

You nailed it. (Unfortunately, Neil didn't)
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  #20  
Old October 21st, 2008, 04:41 PM
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Two words for you Neil...'HOT MESS'!!!. I think you already knew the answer to this one yourself.

I shall call her Pandora. Don't open that box, literally and figuratively speaking! These life lessons and drama should have come to an end by the time she hit 30. She sounds like an emotional vampire...be polite, tell her she needs to seek treatment and bid her ado.

I'm sure you have a short enough attention span to wind up in some other hot chicks bed...I picture her now...10 years younger and willing to do the hummingbird (ref to the new TV show My Own Worst Enemy).

Best of luck!
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