Not mine, but whomever wrote it is hilarious:
FOR SALE: The All-American chariot of the free world.
I would like to start by saying that if you are looking for a "Pajama Party Barbie Truck", you, my friend, should look elsewhere. For a short description of the beast I present to you here, I can offer you only two words: "PROFESSIONAL GRADE". You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie-cutter truck. This baby was forged from a single block of American Steel. From the day I bought this massive machine, until now, my life has never been the same.
If you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or a Hyundai crossover, keep on looking my friend; this thing is a made from nothing less than 100% red, white, and blue American muscle. Read on and let's see if you can handle this 400HP Super Muscle Truck.
This baby's pulse is pumping 350 cubic inches of uncensored raw awesomeness through her V-8 nuclear power plant. Rest assured this is no metrosexual comfy cruiser. She makes noise when you get on her throttle. You command her to obey, with nothing more than your right foot planted firmly on the gas pedal. This machine comes standard with an extra dose of awesome. She includes a fully built 700R4 and a bullet-proof NP205 transfer case attached to full scale posi-traction axles an all-spring lift with 33" mud busting tires. When you lay two city blocks of fresh rubber, it goes down with two stripes. Period. She will obey, the first time, every time. If you can't handle the fuel bill, you better not ferry skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you ask what the gas mileage is, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and being politely sent back wherever you came from.
It has meat locker cold A/C, but are you kidding me. . ..Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: open up the super-cool vent windows and roll the manual windows down. "What if it's raining?" Stop your whining. Anyone man enough to drive this beast doesn't give a crap about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, cause you went to the asphalt school of hard knocks, and you come home every day dripping wet in blood, sweat, and fish guts.
If you are looking for the kind of truck that has to be pansy parked in the garage then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of shit. This thing has been rhino lined to let the blood drain out from the buffalo you just killed with your bare hands. Go ahead and spark up your 2000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, because real men get their trucks dirty.
Pity the fool that only has 2 headlights. This big orange block of badness has 4 and they all shine bright like the flag of freedom. Forget about putting on one of those stickers with Calvin pissing on a Ford, this truck is like the Honey Badger of the vehicle world; it doesn't give a shit about a Ford or a Dodge or any other truck for that matter. It takes whatever it wants, and you'd better call for help if you make the mistake of crossing it. As soon as you see this monster in person, there will be no further explanation required; people on the road always get out of your way. . .real quick.
If you think you're man enough to park this panty hauler on your tract of land, you better not tell me you have to go ask your old lady for permission, cause this is happening. What will be happening? Glad you asked. . ..
1. A fully frame-off restored, 100% awesome show-winning 1972 GMC Sierra Grande K1500 4X4 Short bed truck
2. A 400 HP, Aluminum Head, 10:1 350CI V-8 with serpentine belt drive and ball busting torque
3. A beast 700R4 Automatic transmission, with a fully built NP205 Transfer Case
4. A Full-chrome grill with 4 headlights
5. A GMC emblem on the hood
6. Fully powder coated chassis and axles
7. New 33 X 12.50 tires on aluminum 15X8 6-lug polished wheels
8. Power disc brakes with ceramic pads and all new stainless steel brake lines
9. New, aluminum fuel cell between the rails, with custom fill tube in the bed
10. New, Chro-moly axle shafts on all 4-corners
11. 100% new steering gear box, and all front end components
12. New, tilt column with a classic, Grant steering wheel
13. Aluminum 4-core race radiator with twin electric fans
14. Vintage Air A/C
15. Manual locking, all metal WARN hubs
16. Fully rhino-lined under-body and bed, top and bottom
17. Glistening, beautiful Valencia Orange Metallic, 2-stage paint over epoxy primer with 100 hours of blocking and priming
18. All new wiring -- every single strand of American-made copper in this truck is new
19. Every single nut and bolt is brand spanking new, including the Grade 10.8 axle and spring bolts
Sounds good doesn't it?
This baby will easily carry you over thousands of miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie "300″. Just like a trusty steed this juggernaut will never leave you stranded. This truck will go anywhere, anytime, trouble-free and looking great. When Marines look at this truck, they gasp in awe. When Army Rangers see it, they have to smoke a cigarette after. When fighter pilots see it, they gladly trade in their wings for a chance to drive her. With this truck, you can be the envy of all.
But if you think you're going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Thirty Five Thousand Dollars, cold, hard American cash. I'm not selling you this beast unless you are clearly a pure-blooded American, so don't even think about showing up at my door with any penny-ante low-ball chicken-shit offer. This truck is 100% awesome, and it's only selling for 100% of my fair price. I'm a cash for keys kind of guy, so no foreign bullshit as it will not even be considered. You want to own a machine like this, you better get yourself to San Diego with crisp $100 bills in hand, buddy.